🇹🇷 Didem, from Turkey and Queens
Didem is a bartender originally from Turkey. She has been living in New York since 2015. She lives in Queens.
What brought you to New York?
I wanted to learn English. I didn't know any, and I worked at this NGO working as an administrative and financial coordinator. I needed to report things to a German office, and I had such a hard time. I was just like, “Well, I need to learn English.”
I didn't want to live in Europe because, at that time, I thought Europe liked tourists but not immigrants. This was my breaking point. So I decided I wanted to go to New York. Afterward, I received a scholarship at an ESL school in New York.
Fun fact: I came to the city in 2015, and in October 2016, Trump got elected. I'm like, wherever I go, I bring a dictator with me.
Who or what inspired you to move to New York?
I think a few things inspired me to move to New York.
The first thing is that I loved working at the NGO, and I wanted to do more - but I needed to learn English.
The second thing was that I wanted something out of my comfort zone. Turkey and my parents were my comfort places. I love my parents, but I lived with them and 20 other people: my uncles, my uncle's wife, their kids, my grandfather, and my grandmother. At that time, I was 27, and I thought I needed to live and do something for myself because my family and I were very codependent. We really need each other all the time. I'm like, well, I just need to take myself out of that comfort zone and then do something different.
“I’m like, well, I just need to take myself out of that comfort zone and then do something different. ”
How do you stay in touch with family or friends living back home?
Every day I talk with my mom through Whatsapp. If I don't call my mom, she’ll be like, “Hey, you didn't call us.” I'm like, “well, I was busy.” They're just like, “no, you need to call us every day. “
Did you create an alternative family in the city?
I did, and actually, that was not my intention. But I think unconsciously, I was looking for it.
In the beginning, the language was the biggest barrier. And I knew that I needed to talk with the local people because they would speak English with you. They wouldn't speak Turkish. So then I decided I was going to go to bars and pick a sport I liked for myself. I didn’t want to just go to a bar and sit there like a creepy person.
Then I met Bobby, my husband, and we created a group of friends in his neighborhood, Bushwick. Later, I took him to my neighborhood, Sunnyside, and we created a community there. So now, I have an alternative family in my neighborhood.
“So maybe I’ll save some money, keep myself in this business. And then maybe sooner than later I will have my own place. ”
What keeps you up at night?
Lately, there's a couple of things that keep me up at night.
One: I feel homesick. I'm gonna go home soon because my sister is gonna get married, but I'm waiting for a couple of news.
Second, ever since I arrived, I’ve been having the same nightmare. In the nightmare, every time I need to go back to Turkey, I remember that I forgot my papers in New York. It’s not even logical, but you know…
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
Thinking “What is next for me?”, “What do I plan to do?”
I just like, feel a little bit calm. I'm like, well, I think you're doing this well. So maybe I’ll save some money, keep myself in this business. And then maybe sooner than later I will have my own place.
“I am grateful to New York. And to the people here. I was lucky. This city has been so good to me. I can’t be thankful enough.”
What is something you’re thankful for about your time in New York?
New York has been so good to me. I am thankful because I didn't know anyone; I didn't know the language. It could have been a disaster. It could have been like, "well, I failed" and then I’d have to go back to Turkey. It could have been a complete failure. It wasn't. I met this friend from ESL class. She's Puerto Rican. And then she introduced me to her sister, and then she hooked me up to this one spot in Soho. I started to work there right away. That's just beautiful.
Then I met this old lady from Greece, Electra. She told me, "You know what? You cannot make money here much". So she took me to Astoria. There's this restaurant. She put me there. She's like, "Here, start working here." That's how I learned how to bartend.
Then, I met Bobby. He's the most important person in my life here.
I am grateful to New York. And to the people here. I was lucky. This city has been so good to me. I can't be thankful enough.
What’s your future vision for yourself in New York?
People love to come to the place where I work and I love talking with to them and to stay in the hospitality business. So, I think I’d want to own a bar and I will make sure to work with people who actually appreciate and love what they're doing.
I just love interacting with people. I don't mind talking with them all day long. I don't mind. And telling them stories and hearing their stories, you know?