🇺🇬 Jess, from Uganda & Manhattan

Jess is featured on Episode #3 of New Neighbors podcast.

What brought you to New York?

I moved here to pursue a career in dance. I came for a summer program at this school called the Ailey School, and it was my intention to stay and be a full-time student there, but I didn't get into their full-time program initially. But I stayed in New York anyways.

Even though I was rejected from the school, I could still take open classes. Some of the classes were open to the public. So I took open classes! And I took classes all over the city. That summer program was in 2011, I think. It just sort of awakened a momentum in me to want to be here, to dance here, and to be a part of what's happening here. Even though I didn't get into the school's full-time program, I was like, "Well, I could just be here anyways and do the open classes and things like that.”

A couple of months later, I auditioned again, and I got in! I came here to go to the Ailey School - and that's what I did. I did pursue dance for quite some time.

The year I graduated, my sister died. She died in Uganda, and that hit me very hard emotionally. I struggled to focus on my own life at that point. Between 2015 and 2017, there were several family emergencies - the first one was here. She was nineteen years old, and it was sudden and it was tragic. So, yeah. After I graduated, there was just one personal or family emergency after another. I found it very hard to function.

I found it very hard to function in the city. I just worked and kept paying my bills, but it messed me up creatively. I felt like the confidence that I needed in order to audition for dance jobs - just wasn't there. And I got swept up in the survival of it all.

Did you create an alternative family in the city?

I will say I do have friends. A lot of them aren't here anymore because the majority of them are international people. They have moved on, you know? They live in other parts of the world. We keep in touch, and I have visited many of them.

Once I started incorporating music into my life, around 2019, I organized a little "music tour," I visited my friends in different parts of the world to combine my music with my friendships. But yeah, as far as here in this city, most of my closest friends aren't here anymore.

Working in a bar helps because they can come and see you at your job and sit and catch up with you. That happens often. But, yeah. Once most of my friends had moved, I would say my social circle coincided with my work circle, and I became friends with coworkers or people who came into my job. That's how I would meet people and be friends with people.

There are dangers of your work life and friendships being one and the same. Like getting fired from that job, you know? It polarizes all of my friendships, or it affects all of my friendships. Thankfully, because they're all quite genuine friendships, they're not affected by me getting fired. I won't be hanging around there as often as before! And so, the day-to-day consistency friendship-wise will be lost.

Is there anyone that currently inspires you to do all this that you're doing?

I have been revisiting and listening to Eartha Kitt's music. I love how she has the confidence to misbehave, to deviate from what we think we should be doing. She's very mischievous and reckless. I think that I have been pressuring myself to be responsible. I need to let that go.

I feel very inspired by her work and just the confidence that she has to, you know, live her life in that way! I want to try to do that with mine and not feel so shackled by leases, money, plane tickets, jobs, and contracts! I don't like any of those things. I never have. I have always made the least amount of commitments possible in order to survive.

I need a therapist, to be honest - and that's what I will do in New Zealand. I'm going to go to New Zealand. I'm going to see my family. I'm going to get a therapist. I keep saying that I am going to, but I don't.

Do you have a sense of what would make you happy?

No, I do not! A vision for my life. A vision for my future. I lack a sense of that.

I just sort of my music for now. I think enough people have told me they enjoy it. So I just keep making it because enough people have said, "Oh, I like this. I want to listen to it". So I say, "Okay, fine. I'll make it". But I'd never dreamed of being a singer. It is not my life's wish to be a singer. It is not my life's wish to be here in this world, you know? Things get quite dark in my life and in my head because... there's just suffering everywhere.

I find myself wanting to be a hippie. Let it all go and stop being a pawn. Stop allowing this world to oppress me and allowing it to oppress others around me. It's sad. The world that we live in is quite sad, you know?

Is there someone you want to tell your story to?

Well, I'm quite open. I tell my story to just about everyone and anyone. I am not very selective when it comes to that. I know that people advise against being so open and transparent with others. But I can't help it!

All of the things I am saying are things we're not supposed to say. It's unpleasant to talk about these things and for others to know I am dealing with them. But I don't mind. I think it's better for people to know about it than to hide it.

I can't say I have a particular person in mind or a category of people. I think they will know themselves. A reader will read this and be like, "Ah! I was supposed to read this story".

“New York has played an integral part in my development as a person. When I first came here, I was shy and incomplete. I think I am still incomplete, but less incomplete than before.”

What is something you’re thankful for about your time in New York?

New York has played an integral part in my development as a person. When I first came here, I was very shy and incomplete. I think I am still incomplete, but less incomplete than before.

New York toughened me up in a lot of good ways. I learned how to stand up for myself. How to be brave in dangerous situations. I learned a lot about how to interact with people who were different from me. Even though I have been doing it my whole life, I learned many more specifics here.

I immersed myself in the city's diversity and learned how to interact with people different from me, in all the categories of life - and listen. Learning how to listen to others and show them respect helped me create spaces where I felt seen and valued. I am very grateful for that.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and I feel very scared about it. And that's truly where you find me today. I am freaking out. I am going to pack my suitcase.